Not in a good place at present.

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HarleyPete
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Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 09:00

Post by HarleyPete » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 9:00am

Post by HarleyPete by HarleyPete Jul 2018 11 09:00

Hi all, it's been a while since I've been on here but thought I'd stop by and share my sadness. Four weeks ago today I had to have my dog put to sleep. He was 17 years old and had arthritis in legs, hips and lower spine which was making his life hard. It was at that time the hardest decision I've had to make but was the best thing for him.

This all happened whilst my mum was in hospital, she had been admitted on the 11th May with a leg infection. Well life decided to kick me in the teeth some more when on the 2nd July my Mum passed away in hospital. It turned out that at some point before she went to hospital she had suffered a massive heart attack (she hadn't said anything and no one knew she'd had one).

Her heart was working at 15% efficiency when she went in and that dropped to 13% before she passed. Really not in a good place at present, haven't had (along with my family) time to start grieving as we've had to clear her house. It was heart breaking to think her 90 years of life had been reduced to a pile of stuff to burn, a pile pile of scrap metal, a load of charity shop stuff, a load of stuff taken to the local tip and then a skip full of rubbish. I will never get to talk to my mum again or take her out or have her tell me her stories of her youth.

All I can say to every one is, look after you families, cherish your parents and keep in tough. Life isn't worth loosing touch with people you care for. I'll be okay in the long run but at present I'm just numb about it all. I suffered with depression for almost two years before I came to work at my school just under twelve years ago. I don't want to go back there but am finding it hard to deal with having spent the last six days helping clear stuff.
Shall I rush your rush job before I rush the rush job I was rushing before you rushed in

Most of the time I am a nobody........except when you want something........then, I'm the most important person in the world.


"Teachers are wonderful...........every caretaker should own one, lol"

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thecaretaker
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 11:21

Post by thecaretaker » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 11:21am

Post by thecaretaker by thecaretaker Jul 2018 11 11:21

I really feel for you m8. You really are having a bad time of it at present. I know words can't begin to explain the hurt you feel inside. Time is a great healer, so hang on in there and you will get through this. It would be stupid to say 'keep yourself busy' (I know you currently are) but it is sometimes a way to get through the initial pain. But you also need some quiet time to yourself too.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family m8. Thinking of you!
Growing Old is Mandatory - Growing Up Is Optional

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Drone
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 11:48

Post by Drone » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 11:48am

Post by Drone by Drone Jul 2018 11 11:48

You are going through a terrible time. Your mates are all on here if you ever fancy a chat. The natural & healthy process of grieving does not mean that you will tip back into depression. But while you are going through this worst of feelings, do not shy away from seeking help from your GP. To be able to show & share your feelings is a sign of resilience, not weakness. You will get through this & come out the other side. We are all here to share that journey if you should need us.

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HarleyPete
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 12:43

Post by HarleyPete » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 12:43pm

Post by HarleyPete by HarleyPete Jul 2018 11 12:43

Cheers guys. The one thing I've learned from my previous bout of depression was to talk about it. Sadly, my boss isn't a compassionate or sympathetic person so I find it hard to talk to her. My mates are being great and have helped with the clearance as well. I know time is a great healer but I also know that one day it will suddenly hit me hard. The biggest thing is how it's made me view life and my family. Forgot to say though, I had another granddaughter born on the 28th June. I think my mum held on long enough to hear she'd been born. I read/heard somewhere, someone explain the phenomenon of seeing a light when someone dies. They described it as the light being the light a baby would see as it was being born. They explained that the reason babies cry is because they remember there previous life for a while and then slowly forget.
Shall I rush your rush job before I rush the rush job I was rushing before you rushed in

Most of the time I am a nobody........except when you want something........then, I'm the most important person in the world.


"Teachers are wonderful...........every caretaker should own one, lol"

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samsmith
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 14:04

Post by samsmith » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 2:04pm

Post by samsmith by samsmith Jul 2018 11 14:04

Sorry to hear that mate, I am in the same boat. We had to put our Cassy down a couple of weeks ago. Msg me if you wanna chat
Sam Smith
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Care7aker
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 11 16:44

Post by Care7aker » Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 4:44pm

Post by Care7aker by Care7aker Jul 2018 11 16:44

im really sorry mate, i lost my nan in april, we held her hand as she passed, it was very emotional, i lived with nan from 7-21 so she was like my mum. however, i took great comfort in sorting all her affairs from the house to funeral, the first time ive done anything like it. i did a great job and take comfort she would be proud. also my mum does not have any pressure and can greive, as for the dog,ouch i have always had dogs, current collie lab cross is 11 and very fit but not as nimble as he once was and getting grey, he has been with me through some of the toughest times of my life, he is a great support, those without dogs will not understand. although i think he has another good 5-6 years, its always in the back of my mind that one day hes turn will come. but i try to think of the life i give him, its great as far as dogs go, he spend hours outside on the common, comes most places with me, he is treated with great respect and put first in my life, i always consider him. i live alone so i need to, as long as you done all that, be proud you gave the dog a great life, many dont. condolences on your mum. everyone has a time, it is the sad reality. think of the good stuff, and please keep moving forward. the past is gone the present is now, the future is whatever you want it to be, dont forget that.

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HarleyPete
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 13 08:51

Post by HarleyPete » Fri, 13th Jul 2018, 8:51am

Post by HarleyPete by HarleyPete Jul 2018 13 08:51

samsmith wrote:
Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 2:04pm
Sorry to hear that mate, I am in the same boat. We had to put our Cassy down a couple of weeks ago. Msg me if you wanna chat
Sorry to hear that mate, my deepest sympathy.
Shall I rush your rush job before I rush the rush job I was rushing before you rushed in

Most of the time I am a nobody........except when you want something........then, I'm the most important person in the world.


"Teachers are wonderful...........every caretaker should own one, lol"

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HarleyPete
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Re: Not in a good place at present.

Jul 2018 13 09:01

Post by HarleyPete » Fri, 13th Jul 2018, 9:01am

Post by HarleyPete by HarleyPete Jul 2018 13 09:01

Care7aker wrote:
Wed, 11th Jul 2018, 4:44pm
im really sorry mate, i lost my nan in april, we held her hand as she passed, it was very emotional, i lived with nan from 7-21 so she was like my mum. however, i took great comfort in sorting all her affairs from the house to funeral, the first time I've done anything like it. i did a great job and take comfort she would be proud. also my mum does not have any pressure and can grieve, as for the dog,ouch i have always had dogs, current collie lab cross is 11 and very fit but not as nimble as he once was and getting grey, he has been with me through some of the toughest times of my life, he is a great support, those without dogs will not understand. although i think he has another good 5-6 years, its always in the back of my mind that one day hes turn will come. but i try to think of the life i give him, its great as far as dogs go, he spend hours outside on the common, comes most places with me, he is treated with great respect and put first in my life, i always consider him. i live alone so i need to, as long as you done all that, be proud you gave the dog a great life, many dont. condolences on your mum. everyone has a time, it is the sad reality. think of the good stuff, and please keep moving forward. the past is gone the present is now, the future is whatever you want it to be, dont forget that.
Cheers buddy, your right about it all. Our dog was part of our family, he was the son we never had. He had a great life as evidenced by the fact he made it to 17 years old. As for mum, I will be okay, just will need time to grieve. I had a similar situation in 2008, lost one of my brothers and my best mate in the space of a month. So far our family has lost three of eight kids before my mum, a step dad and a dad.
Shall I rush your rush job before I rush the rush job I was rushing before you rushed in

Most of the time I am a nobody........except when you want something........then, I'm the most important person in the world.


"Teachers are wonderful...........every caretaker should own one, lol"

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