Hiding in plain sight

[twiglets]

Please don't read this if you don't understand the awful feeling I have this morning. I thought I would title it as a bit of a joke title. I'm not the most social person and do let the workload (there is only one of my role) get to me and I express my anger that many staff just don't care. Yet, I will help anyone long before I ask for help. Last night, I had what many call "a lightbulb moment". I suddenly realised just how lonely I am in a school with 50 plus staff, 400 plus pupils, and probably 1000 parents/carers/family members.
I do have those that I talk to on a regular basis but they are colleagues, not friends. I never get, "you look like your struggling is there any way I can help". I know everyone has their workload, but they can all muck in together, but there is no one when I need a ladder footing, no one to help move large items. No one rings/pops in in the holidays to see how the lone working is going, need I go on.
I've been here over 10 years, I have had a holiday, once, in term time with the "how we we cope without you" said. I have this said to my face many a time, " thank you for creating a forest school, thank you for completely rejuvenating the pond area, thank you for not only covering for two cleaners out and repainting a large area over night for a party (not mine).
My boss left recently, had a great relationship with her, find out as a leaving event, the office went out for a meal- me not part of it, staff leave and they rush around to "video" everyone, strike that, not me but they do it in front of me. The lightbulb moment was a staff member party this week- people who didn't associate at work invited- not me. Is it because I am a man? is it my job role? I'm not bitter, I have become to realise just how isolated and lonely you can be in plain sight.
I even joke about the fact I have been wearing a hi-vis top over the winter and it makes me invisible.
We have a senior staff member leaving next week, the usual video is made, they all watch the draft and laugh at their part- me I clean around them.
You might say I'm letting it get to me, but I'm not a spring chicken, I'm struggling physically, and mentally most of the time. I'm my worst enemy, I over promise- and I still deliver. The culture here is, as long as I tell someone I have passed the problem on, not the we've got a problem we need to find a solution (another bad attribute is I am a solutions person).
They find it odd, I work split shifts therefore can't collect pupils from a trip during lunchtime- I have commitments at home with grandchild care.

Today is a new day, the hi- vis top put aside for dirty work and back to a colour coordinated top (there's enough above to a local reader (staff etc) to know who I am, so won't give the colour away). I'll disappear all morning litter picking and the like to be invisible. I'll greet all at opening and closing as usual, and give them an answer of "I'm fed up hiding in plain sight", and smile as I say it knowing they won't understand. I'm even sure I can hide at the whole school assembly next week, no one will know- and how I feel right now, no one will care.

People plan their departure- where they can. Mine already done- I just will try and target the last day of summer term- 4 weeks then gone. I will need to know who legally needs to know and tell them. I can become invisible at my own choice.

If you've got this far, then maybe writing this down has helped me to share my story, I'm sure there are many like me in their roles. I do post on here as, excluding my family, this site is someone to talk to who do a similar job and if I need advise I'm more likely to get help from all of you, and likewise like to help others.

Enough said for now, back to the grind and make myself a coffee to drink later. Have a great day all of you and thank you for your support- it means a great deal.

[greenjack]

Honestly I’m sure there are plenty including me who get where you’re coming from. I often moan to the missus that I feel liked the invisible man so your post has struck a chord. Unfortunately most of us tend to work alone and the rest of the staff share tasks. They also probably don’t care what we do until we don’t do it.

[OXSET]

Genuinely, are you ok?

I am sure many of us are absolutely ok with you messaging us. Sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders and it is weighing heavily.

[hendo91]

an all to familiar narrative I think if someone scoured this forum and wrote a book titled ''memoirs of a caretaker'' it would win prizes....I have been at the role just over 10years but I am relatively young for a Site Manager so my will and determination haven't yet taken the artillery fire that most have in here but that invisible reference really did hit me no one should feel that way bud drop me a message if you want/need to talk....one trick I use is every other week I pretend I am the maintenance crew on the star ship enterprise and all the other crew members are aliens...keep waiting for the klingons on show up but no luck as of yet

[wonderwoman]

Boy do i relate to this, and the same happens here i used to get really upset especially through the years, your only noticed when they need you to do something.
i used to get upset that teachers,Ta's, lunch time staff and sports staff got loads of presents at the end of term. Don't get me wrong they more than deserved it but when you don't get anything it makes you wonder why especially when you go above and beyond. I had one parent say to me ( most probably feeling guilty they gave a present in front of me) well you get paid to do your job.
Also when i'v been off sick no one checks to see if i'm OK and when i get back no one used to ask how i was, when other staff where asked if they were OK and did they need any help.
Also all through the pandemic me and the cleaners where made to come in while the teachers etc stayed at home -because they needed to be safe.
I could go on but i'm sure everyone knows from their own experience.


It's like your a second class person and it happens to women as well as men.
And it is a lonely job which people find hard to understand.

[Gazza]

a lot hit home there if im honest, not totally invisible as im loud, brash and make my presence known. It can be hurtful when excluded from social
gatherings especially when you feel you had a rapport with someone. I cant really offer advice- but i guess that wasnt the intention of the post. You wanted a sounding board. so all i will say is this.....

post away whenever you feel like it. everyone needs a sound board and if this group is here for one thing its that.

[Vera]

Please don't feel lonely, we are all here to listen, we all share the same feelings.

In a job where to be effective we operate away from other colleagues and actively seek to be non visible whilst doing your work, it's all too easy to feel like no one knows, cares, realises or appreciates the work we do silently.

I'm pretty sure everyone here will offer some support if you need it, but most schools have a councillor or wellbeing ambassador to talk to you just need to take that step and ask.

Best of luck.

[Mastergunner]

absolutely spot on !!
I feel exactly the same way. I am by no means an attention grabber, nor am i craving thanks but, a genuine, heartfelt word of encouragement would go a long way with a lot of people (including me)!

Social events - farewell drinks, baby showers, big birthday celebrations are always booked for straight after school. This means neither I, nor the cleaning staff are able to attend as we are still working!

Parents' evening last night - overran by an hour (as usual) at which point the teachers initiate a mass exodus, leaving me with tables and hundreds of chairs to put away in my own time. Not even an offer of assistance . i could go on but all i wanted to do is echo your sentiment and let you know that you are not alone in your situation.

Chin up
dont let them grind you down

[Flossdaily]

Your a mind reader buddy!! As others have said this is all too common an experience for us, it certainly is for me.
I'm at the " If you don't care, I don't care" stage now, freewheeling to that retirement ( still a stupid amount of years away).
Hang in there and just don't give a toss, their not worth it .

[Dexter]

A lot of what you say, twiglets, strikes a chord with me and I'm sure, many others. After working alongside teachers for 30 years, my expectations have bottomed out. (Though there are a few exceptions.) Instead, I get my satisfaction from knowing that I'm doing a good job and being seen to do a good job - my vanity hasn't dwindled over the years. I would concentrate on what you do and not the actions of others. As someone once said, "there's nowt as funny as folk." If you are remembered, thought of or treated kindly just take it as a bonus.

It's good to read that you have family around you and a grand child to help care for. They are far more important than cliques in school.