Hiding in plain sight

[AlboUnderhill]

Just got to thinking about this thread, I thought I was quite lucky here. Have pretty good relationship with most the staff but have been a little low lately. Came to the realisation that I was the one always reaching out and checking in on my friends. Decided to see what would happen if I didn't and, well, I haven't heard from anyone in two months.
Thought I'd do the same here, rather than come into the room when locking up and saying hello I'd just do my job and see who bothered to look up. Seems like I was off by a lot how good of a relationship and how friendly people were, I guess they were just being polite. It could be worst. And it will be.
I just found out the three people who actually go out of their way to have a chat with me and try and meet up outside of work are all leaving at the end of this school year. Feeling pretty bummed.

More of just a rant to people who might understand than anything. Chins up all. At least it's not raining as much

[Maverick]

Just got to thinking about this thread, I thought I was quite lucky here. Have pretty good relationship with most the staff but have been a little low lately. Came to the realisation that I was the one always reaching out and checking in on my friends. Decided to see what would happen if I didn't and, well, I haven't heard from anyone in two months.
Thought I'd do the same here, rather than come into the room when locking up and saying hello I'd just do my job and see who bothered to look up. Seems like I was off by a lot how good of a relationship and how friendly people were, I guess they were just being polite. It could be worst. And it will be.
I just found out the three people who actually go out of their way to have a chat with me and try and meet up outside of work are all leaving at the end of this school year. Feeling pretty bummed.

More of just a rant to people who might understand than anything. Chins up all. At least it's not raining as much

I totally get that. I sometimes feel the same way when it comes to so called friends outside the work place, being quite sociable I am always the one to do the asking and organising. So I often wonder how long it would be if I stopped that folk would notice. I bet it is months if not a year. I would put 95%in this bracket. The worst are those that go "that was great, we must do it again" and you never hear from them until you next organise something.

[Keyolder]

Just got to thinking about this thread, I thought I was quite lucky here. Have pretty good relationship with most the staff but have been a little low lately.

I’ve also been feeling a bit low lately, and this cold wet weather hasn’t helped. I sometimes got the opinion that some staff only spoke to me when they wanted me to do something for them.

I can relate to losing contact with friends, but realise I often don’t make the effort to contact them. It doesn’t help that almost all my long-term friends live miles away having moved out of London years ago.
I’ve just had a thought, maybe it’s me and I should change my deodorant and start eating odour-eaters?

[Vera]

I’ve also been feeling a bit low lately, and this cold wet weather hasn’t helped. I sometimes got the opinion that some staff only spoke to me when they wanted me to do something for them.

I can relate to losing contact with friends, but realise I often don’t make the effort to contact them. It doesn’t help that almost all my long-term friends live miles away having moved out of London years ago.
I’ve just had a thought, maybe it’s me and I should change my deodorant and start eating odour-eaters?

I have thought about this in the past. But this is how I see it.

We all go about our business in the most part working when others aren't around, this leads to 2 things.
1. we all feel isolated and alone in our job for the most part we work alone drink tea alone (don't give me that coffee nonsense ) come into work alone and leave alone. try to see this as a matter of fact rather than allowing it to become something much bigger (I know, easy to say, not so easy to do) Try to see your role as the caretaker ninja and have some fun with it.
2. It can seem that others are not interested in our work or even just us in general, We have to make the effort to talk and to be part of the school team, no one else is likely to do this, it's up to us. Although this may seem bad, try to remember that even CO's have stuff going on and deadlines coming out their ears along with kids to worry about and parents to calm down and talk to. They are busy too.

We are the ones that can visit others easily as we go about the school.
We are the ones who can talk about school life to them and understand their moans and gripes. As they can about ours sometimes (there are one or two teachers that I walk in and can proudly say "I've come for my daily moan"
It's a two way street but we are the ones positioned to be able to make the effort to see others.
So make the effort- it's worth it.

[Simon]

Hi, I can totally relate to what you are saying. It can be soul destroying. I often set up for events they have at my school and after the events there is always lots of praise going round for what the teachers and office staff have done to contribute but barely ever a mention if any at all of the work site staff have done. It's like we don't exist.

[Simon]

Boy do i relate to this, and the same happens here i used to get really upset especially through the years, your only noticed when they need you to do something.
i used to get upset that teachers,Ta's, lunch time staff and sports staff got loads of presents at the end of term. Don't get me wrong they more than deserved it but when you don't get anything it makes you wonder why especially when you go above and beyond. I had one parent say to me ( most probably feeling guilty they gave a present in front of me) well you get paid to do your job.
Also when i'v been off sick no one checks to see if i'm OK and when i get back no one used to ask how i was, when other staff where asked if they were OK and did they need any help.
Also all through the pandemic me and the cleaners where made to come in while the teachers etc stayed at home -because they needed to be safe.
I could go on but i'm sure everyone knows from their own experience.


It's like your a second class person and it happens to women as well as men.
And it is a lonely job which people find hard to understand.

Yes, this is exactly what it is like. I walk past some teachers in the morning and they won't even acknowledge you let alone bring themselves to say good morning. Then they will be totally different to someone who is walking just behind you. It really makes you feel like --- censored word ---. Then when they want something off you they act like they are your best friend and once you've done what they want they revert back to ignoring you. I started the job thinking I would do lots for the school, now I do only the bare minimum because they don't deserve anything more.

[Maverick]

Yes, this is exactly what it is like. I walk past some teachers in the morning and they won't even acknowledge you let alone bring themselves to say good morning. Then they will be totally different to someone who is walking just behind you. It really makes you feel like --- censored word ---. Then when they want something off you they act like they are your best friend and once you've done what they want they revert back to ignoring you. I started the job thinking I would do lots for the school, now I do only the bare minimum because they don't deserve anything more.

Exactly the same here. I now just rock up, do the job and leave. I do not attend any social events and at the start I would volunteer my services on school trips, not anymore. Like someone said before it is sickening watching staff leaving at the end of the year, arms full of gifts and you are just plain ignored. Its funny how it is only teaching staff that are viewed as doing something as the office staff leave with nothing also.

[HarleyPete]

I have to say that, where I work, the staff on the most part are great. They ask me how I am and if there is any change in how things are. I do attend the social functions on occasions (not so much now because I choose not to drink due to health issues). Even those who I don't particularly comminicate with will say "Hi" at some point so for that part, I am very lucky to be fair. That being said, I am quite a quiet peson for the most part and it takes me some time to get to know people. For some years there was definitely a "them and us" culture in my school which has slowly changed. The one thing that I realised was this, it wasn't just the staff that were stand offish. I found that my reaction to the initial culture was some of the problem. Now don't get me wrong, there are some aspects that have changed for the worst but most of it has changed for the better.

THe one thing I have found has helped is this forum. Just lately (and it's only in the last three years that I've even shared things at work) I have had such a great feeling of support from the members on this site. They have made a huge difference in my mental health and outlook on my current health issue.
The greatest impact on me personally is knowing (and accepting) that there are people who care about me. It's something I've always struggled with, I've always been the sort of person that relied solely on themselves (or very very few friends). I always found it impossible to talk about things, especially personal things.
So remember, you may feel like your're "hiding in plain site" but someone somewhere actually does notice the things you do, when you aren't there and when things aren't right. I know this from personal experience, because a few teachers made a point of bringing up my emotional state to the relevant people and helped pull me out of a very dark place.

[eebagum]

Before I chucked the towel in at the school. The head that took over 2 years before I left changed everything. You could only talk to staff if it was to do with what they had asked for. Normal everyday chat was not welcome. And if she did see you talking she would be asking questions. This was not just against me but all non teaching staff.
So I just got on with my job. Said morning to most staff and that was that. Totally ignored the head. She once said before I left. You look a bit fed up. By this time I had sourced a new job without her knowledge. My answer was. Take a look in the mirror. You have destroyed my love of this job and school. Oh and I haven't time to talk. You have made that clear to me and all non teaching staff. Walked off with two teachers looking on. Following day put my notice in.
BM gave me a leaving request form. To say why I had chosen to leave. Non of the questions were relevent to the reason for leaving. All answers were leaving on good terms. Didn't fill it in. Attached a copy letter to it giving my reasons. I was supposed to hand back to the BM. I didn't and on the day of leaving sent it to the CEO of the academy
I'm on good terms still with the non teaching staff and I know she was furious at what I had done. Letter came back to me from the CEO saying thankyou for the service you have given the school and we will look into this. Have they. Has she changed. What's that saying a leopard never Changes it's spots. Quite true.

[Handyman]

Before I chucked the towel in at the school. The head that took over 2 years before I left changed everything. You could only talk to staff if it was to do with what they had asked for. Normal everyday chat was not welcome. And if she did see you talking she would be asking questions. This was not just against me but all non teaching staff.
So I just got on with my job. Said morning to most staff and that was that. Totally ignored the head. She once said before I left. You look a bit fed up. By this time I had sourced a new job without her knowledge. My answer was. Take a look in the mirror. You have destroyed my love of this job and school. Oh and I haven't time to talk. You have made that clear to me and all non teaching staff. Walked off with two teachers looking on. Following day put my notice in.
BM gave me a leaving request form. To say why I had chosen to leave. Non of the questions were relevent to the reason for leaving. All answers were leaving on good terms. Didn't fill it in. Attached a copy letter to it giving my reasons. I was supposed to hand back to the BM. I didn't and on the day of leaving sent it to the CEO of the academy
I'm on good terms still with the non teaching staff and I know she was furious at what I had done. Letter came back to me from the CEO saying thankyou for the service you have given the school and we will look into this. Have they. Has she changed. What's that saying a leopard never Changes it's spots. Quite true.

Unfortunately, a lot of this is all too familiar to me. If I talk to any of the other support staff about anything I find out later that the BM goes into the room after me and interrogates them about what we talked about. Meanwhile it seems every time I go through the office area, SLT are making themselves drinks and/or having a laugh. It didn't use to be like that here, staff turnover was practically zero and it was much more friendly.

Wish I was having better luck sourcing another job, I am getting some interviews but everywhere seems to be very picky now and jobs that have been up for months and had plenty of applicants just get readvertised constantly because they are looking for a 'perfect' candidate, who probably isn't applying because they don't want to work for the money on offer.